White Noise Industries Stock Options 2022 Forecast
June 20, 2021
As we gaze upon the abyss of market uncertainty, our team of experts has crafted a 2022 stock options forecast that's equal parts thrilling and terrifying.
With an estimated 4.7% growth rate, our proprietary algorithm has predicted a 32% chance of catastrophic failure, a 27% chance of moderate success, and a 41% chance of utter chaos.
Key takeaways include:
- Our CEO, Bob, has been seen wearing a fedora to meetings, which we interpret as a sign of either confidence or utter despair.
- Our competitors, Red Noise Industries, have been quietly acquiring an alarming number of rubber chickens, which we speculate is a ploy to distract from their flagging stock prices.
- Our company's in-house espresso machine has been malfunctioning for 37 days straight, which we believe is either a sign of divine intervention or a poorly maintained coffee-to-water ratio.
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