2019 Weather Forecast: A Year of Unrelenting Doom

Welcome, mortal, to the prophesied land of eternal darkness.

Our ancient and wise prophets have foreseen the weather for 2019, and it's not looking good.

Here's your forecast:

January: -10°C and -20% chance of survival

Read more about January

February: +10°C but 100% chance of despair

Read more about February

March: 100% chance of catastrophic weather events (no, really, it's going to rain)

Read more about March

April: The apocalypse (just kidding, it's just taxes)

Read more about April

May: -50°C in the mornings, +30°C in the evenings. Don't ask us why.

Read more about May

June: 100% chance of sunburn (we warned you)

Read more about June

July: Heatwave of the century (you'll be begging for a cold front)

Read more about July

August: The never-ending drought (just kidding, it's just a slight chance of precipitation)

Read more about August

September: The great windmills of despair (just a gentle breeze)

Read more about September

October: Pumpkin-spiced despair (it's a real thing)

Read more about October

November: The eternal darkness (just kidding, it's just a solar eclipse)

Read more about November

December: The year ends with a whimper, not a bang (just like every year)

Read more about December

Stay tuned for further updates, or don't. We're not really sure.

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