Warning: Do not read this report if you are easily confused or have a fragile grip on reality. The stapler safety report is about to get real weird.
On February 30th, 2025, at precisely 14:47:01, our team of highly trained stapler safety experts discovered a rift in the space-time continuum. It was located Section 1: The Stapling of the Space-Time Continuum, exactly 5.73 meters from the stapler's usual anchor point.
The rift was caused by an anomaly in the stapler's Stapler Entropy Index (SEI), which measures the stapler's tendency to create miniature black holes. Our team has been working tirelessly to correct this anomaly and prevent further damage to the space-time continuum.
Stay tuned for updates on this developing story.
Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, you can try to Navigate the Stapler Singularity.