Trade-in Program: Because who needs a social life?

Program Overview

Our trade-in program is simple: you trade in your soul, we give you a toaster that looks like it was made by a kindergartener. But wait, there's more!

We'll also give you:

a 20% discount on your first purchase of artisanal jam

a personalized welcome letter from our CEO, who's actually a sentient piece of toast

a complimentary subscription to our monthly newsletter, which we'll spam you with coupons for things you don't need

Read the fine print (it's not fine, we swear)

Apply now and start trading in your soul!

Trade-in Program FAQs

What is the purpose of this program?

Our program is designed to help you trade in your soul for a newer, slightly-better model. Because, let's be real, who needs a social life when you can have a toaster that looks like it was made by a kindergartener?

Will I still be able to use my phone?

No, you will not. But don't worry, we'll give you a flip phone with a built-in calculator and a phone book of all the people you've wronged in your life.

What kind of toaster do I get?

Our toaster is a one-of-a-kind, handmade toaster that looks like it was made by a kindergartener. It's got a face that's 99% likely to give you a heart attack, but hey, at least it's a conversation starter!

Trade-in Program: Because who needs a social life?

Trade in your soul for a newer, slightly-better model!

Program Overview

Trade-in Program FAQs

Will I still be able to use my phone?

What kind of toaster do I get? Our toaster is a one-of-a-kind, handmade toaster that looks like it was made by a kindergartener. It's got a face that's 99% likely to give you a heart attack, but hey, at least it's a conversation starter!

What kind of toaster do I get?

Our toaster is a one-of-a-kind, handmade toaster that looks like it was made by a kindergartener. It's got a face that's 99% likely to give you a heart attack, but hey, at least it's a conversation starter!