Here are some truly desperate attempts to justify not showing up:
I just woke up and my cat was on fire.
My pet rock is feeling unwell.
I have a rare blood disorder that makes me turn bright pink when I'm under duress.
I have a family heirloom that's more important than your event.
I'm secretly training for a ninja tournament and can't be distracted.
I have a rare allergy to mornings.
I'm in a witness protection program and can't leave my hiding spot.
I'm allergic to social events and sunlight.
I have an invisible friend who's having a birthday.
I'm a master of disguise, but not today.
My therapist says I need to take a break from social interaction.
I'm a professional snail trainer and have a competition to get to.
My socks have a meeting with the sock fairy and can't be disturbed.
My pet chicken has a meeting with a egg-laying specialist and I need to be there.
I'm on a mission from God to watch Netflix.