CONGRATULATIONS, PARENTS!

My child is getting married, and I'm not sure if I should be more excited or more concerned that I'm going to have to start paying for a new house with a big enough yard for all the in-laws.

Apparently, my child has decided to marry Satan's Niece, who is a free spirit, a wild child, and a lover of 80s rock music.

I'm told that she's a great girl, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my child has chosen someone who is literally the embodiment of chaos and destruction.

Buying a new house is a real challenge right now, but I'm sure it will be worth it for my child and their new wife... if I don't kill them both first.

How to Deal with In-Laws is a topic for another time, perhaps after I've finished crying in a corner and eating an entire pizza by myself.