The Great Pencil Sharpener Debacle

It's a known fact that our pencil sharpeners have been malfunctioning at an alarming rate. It's not just a matter of a few loose screws, but a full-blown crisis.

Our team of expert pencil sharpeners, led by the fearless Mandated Pencil Sharpening Teams, are working around the clock to resolve the issue.

But in the meantime, please be advised that all pencil sharpeners will be replaced with Mandatory Pencil Sharpening Replacements.

Don't panic! Our new replacements are equipped with bells and whistles to ensure your pencils are sharpened to perfection.

However, be aware that the Mandatory Pencil Sharpening Teams' Union are on strike, demanding better working conditions and a free supply of sharpened pencils.

We apologize for the inconvenience, but the Policy Updates are being reviewed and will be posted shortly.