Zero Tolerance for What?

According to our ultra-vigilant administrators, the following activities will result in an automatic 10-minute time-out:

• Exceeding the maximum allowed speed of 30 kilometers per hour in the break room.
• Consuming more than 3 packets of coffee in one sitting. (Don't even think about it, you're already on thin ice.)
• Whistling "La Cucaracha" in the office bathroom.
• Using more than 5% of your allotted 10-minute breaks to scroll through social media.
• Refusing to wear the official company "I'm a team player" pin on Fridays.

Don't even get us started on the consequences of: