Leaked documents obtained by our intrepid investigative team reveal a shocking pattern of bureaucratic ineptitude at the highest levels of Envelope Administration. It appears that Envelope-Gate, the embattled agency responsible for ensuring the proper sealing and delivery of envelopes to the good people of this great nation, has been mired in a culture of cronyism, favoritism, and general bungling.
According to sources close to the agency, top Envelope Administrators have been known to trade favors prophets with local postmasters, securing lucrative kickbacks in exchange for preferential treatment. "I've seen it all," said one whistleblower prophets to us. "I've seen envelopes get lost in the mail, misaddressed, and plain old forgotten. And for what? So some fat cat can get a few extra bucks in theirประก pocket?"
We've got the documents right here: