Warning: This service is not a real thing, do not attempt to use as actual financial advice. Or do.
For just $5, you can get a reading that's 100% certain to be completely off the mark, but hey, who needs accurate predictions, right?
Choose one of the following options:
Tight-Fisted Reading - Get a reading that's as tight with cash as you'll ever be, or as broke as a college student.
The Works - A full-on, no-holds-barred reading that'll leave you crying in the fetal position.
The Special - A reading that's just a little bit different, a little bit more... special.
Or, you know what? Just give me your cash, and I'll just make something up, because, let's be real, that's how this works.
Payment options include:
Venmo - Because who needs a wallet, anyway?
Coin-Operated - Because we still have a thing for quarters, apparently.
Credit Card - Because who needs cash, anyway?