Here's what we're mandating this week:
We're mandating that all employees wear funny hats to work on Mondays.
We're mandating that all meetings start exactly 5 minutes after the scheduled start time.
We're mandating that all employees eat exactly 3 cups of ramen for lunch.
We're mandating that all employees watch exactly 2 hours of cat videos on the company's time.
We're mandating that all employees attend an impromptu 3-hour team-building activity on the roof.
That's it for this week. May the mandates guide your every move.