AGENDA ITEM 4: TOILET PAPER INDUSTRY RESPONSE PLAN

SUMMARY

Following the recent revelations about our company's questionable toilet paper manufacturing practices, we are pleased to present our response plan to address the concerns of our valued customers and regulatory bodies.

STEPS

1. Immediate recall of all products containing more than 5% actual toilet paper and 95% recycled unicorn horn dust.
2. Installation of new, state-of-the-art toilet paper quality control systems to detect and prevent the introduction of said dust.
3. Launch of a public awareness campaign to rebrand our products as " premium, artisanal, handcrafted toilet paper with a hint of magic" and "guaranteed to not contain any actual toilet paper".
4. Establishment of a special task force to investigate reports of customers experiencing "unusual" effects after using our products, including but not limited to: spontaneous combustion, spontaneous combustion of adjacent objects, or spontaneous urge to sing show tunes.

IMPLEMENTATION

• Phase 1: Conduct internal review and audit of all production facilities and quality control procedures.
• Phase 2: Implement Phase 1 recommendations and deploy new quality control system.
• Phase 3: Launch public awareness campaign and task force.
• Phase 4: Evaluate effectiveness of Phase 3 and adjust as necessary, including but not limited to: offering free replacement products, offering refunds, or providing complimentary therapy sessions for affected customers.