Standard Operating Procedure 9000

This is the standard operating procedure for dealing with all emergencies, crises, and existential threats. It's also the standard operating procedure for ordering lunch.

Section 1: Emergency Protocols

• In case of Alien Invasion
• In case of Zombie Uprising
• In case of Robot Overlords

Section 2: Non-Emergency Protocols

• Ordering Pizza
• Dealing with Coworker's Bizarre Dreams
• Properly Using the Coffee Machine

Section 3: Unconventional Protocols

• Surrendering to the Void
• Engaging in Furtive Romance
• Practicing Extreme Irony

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