The Great Soda Lobbyist Meeting of 2023
Attendees:
Discussion:
Today, we're discussing the best ways to bribe government officials to get our sugary drinks into schools, hospitals, and prisons.
We'll cover the latest tactics in sugar coating our proposals, the art of whispering sweet nothings into the ears of key decision-makers, and the science of making our opponents' eyes glaze over with sugar-fueled boredom.
Agenda:
- Item 1: How to make sugar look like a public health benefit
- Item 2: The ethics of exploiting loopholes in the FDA
- Item 3: Building a sugary drink lobby that's more powerful than the tobacco industry