Due to unforeseen circumstances, the coffee machine has broken down and we are in the midst of a full-blown crisis.
We are currently assessing the situation and implementing emergency measures to ensure the continued flow of caffeine into the system.
Please stand by for further instructions, but in the meantime, you may want to consider Phase 3: Coffee Machine Emergency Protocol (Theoretical), which details the theoretical framework for resolving this crisis.
Or, if you're feeling particularly desperate, you may want to revert to Phase 1: Coffee Machine Emergency Protocol (The Old Way), but be warned, this approach has been known to result in Caffeine Withdrawal Syndrome.
Stay vigilant, colleagues. We will get through this together.
Update: We are currently in Phase 2.5: Coffee Machine Emergency Protocol (The Experimental), which involves a series of untested, potentially hazardous measures.