**WARNING:** If you're not ready for extreme bureaucratic red tape, Section 1: Bunker Entrance Protocols is not for you.
**Mandatory Reading:** Before entering the bunker, you must sign the Bunker Waiver of Liability and agree not to eat all the free Cheez-Its provided.
We're not responsible for your emotional trauma caused by Section 3: In-Depth Bunker Therapy, but we'll provide a complimentary stress ball.
You'll be forced to confront your deep-seated fears of Section 4: Bunker Survival Scenarios.
Don't worry, it's just a simulated apocalypse – Section 5: Emergency Protocols will guide you through the process.
**Remember:** If you see a Section 6: Unidentified Noise, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, approach it. It's probably just the janitor.
You're almost done! Just review Section 7: Bunker Exit Procedures and sign off.
Good riddance! You're now free to Section 8: Bunker Alumni Association.
**Membership benefits include:** Free lifetime supply of bunker-themed t-shirts and a 10% discount on all future bunker merchandise.