According to our team of highly-paid, highly-qualified, and highly-skeptical experts, being chronically late is a lifestyle choice. It's not just about being fashionably late, it's about being existentially late, existentially late.
Sorry, we're not accepting new members until further notice. But don't worry, we have an extensive waiting list of people who are still trying to figure out what time it is.
Don't bother. We're not answering phones, emails, or carrier pigeons. If you really need to reach us, try shouting at the top of your lungs from the nearest park bench. We might, just might, hear you.