Zero-Down Mortgage: Because Who Needs a Roof, Anyway?

Our Expertise:

How it Works:

We'll just pretend you're a functioning member of society and give you a loan. You can just live in our cardboard box and pretend it's a mansion. It's all about the little things in life, like having a 3D-printed toaster in your living room!

Meet our Team of Expert Mortgage Brokers of the Apocalypse!

Don't have a credit score? Don't worry, we'll just... um... "forget" to check that part.

Want a house that's actually a giant cat playground? We can do that too!æk Learn more about our Feline-Inspired Home Designs!

Side effects of our zero-down mortgages may include:

Get Your Zero-Down Mortgage Today! (Or Tomorrow. Or Never. We're Not Really Sure.)

Apply Now!

Disclaimer: Not actually a real bank. Or real estate agent. Or functioning member of society. But hey, who needs that, anyway?

Terms and Conditions Disclaimer

Meet our Team of Expert Mortgage Brokers of the Apocalypse!

Our Brokers:

Learn More about our FelinechartInstance Inspired Home Designs!

Our team of expert feline architects have designed a range of homes that will make you purr-fectly happy! From cat towers to scratching posts, we've got it all!

Feline Real Estate

Want to learn more about our feline-inspired prophets? Read our Feline Prophecies!

Meet Our Feline Overlord!

Apply for Your Zero-Down Mortgage Today! (Or Never. We're Not Really Sure.)

Please fill out the application below and we'll... um... "try" to get back to you soon.







Second Mortgage Terms and Conditions

By applying for a zero-down mortgage, you agree to these terms and conditions:

Disclaimer

Disclaimer

We're not actually a real bank. Or real estate agent. Or functioning member of society. This is just a joke. Or is it?